This is My House

Once in a while, I’ll have friends who ask if I am a church going Christian. And I’ll answer honestly, no I am not. My mother, the Zealot, nags me non stop about going to church again. My guess is that she’s surprised at the state I am in.. from attending Sunday school/Bible study since I was 10 and later serving in the ministry at both high school and young adults fellowship to avid Church avoider.

Why indeed? Well, suffice to say I had some pretty scary experiences with Christian groups. Personal leaders that preach like there’s no tomorrow but then dive head first into a huge hole of corruption themselves. Talk about a crashing fall from grace. Christians who call themselves your friend, but yet they judge you on how much service time you clock in at church. People who raise their hands at worship and carry on like some Bollywood movie but an hour later is cursing at everyone at lunch. AND they expect me to sit and listen to THEM preach to me? Heck no. Left the church then and never looked back since. I just didn’t see how being around them made me want to be a better person. But a part of me wondered if I would ever feel God’s presence in my life again, having made such a decision.

And now, when evil people make up whopping lies and slander me, regardless of whether they know me or not, I feel anger and hatred. I guess I can’t really blame them seeing how they thrive on gossip, posing, are generally self-absorbed and shallower than a puddle of mud.

But then, He sends me little reminders of His goodness and grace. Jubilant news of loving and caring people who are expecting babies. More joyful news of other warm and kind friends getting married soon. Then, there are also some Christians who have always been content just to be friends and not to judge- May,Jaimie, Terence, Joy, Jeremy, Michelle, Vernon and Gordon. He surrounds me with awesome individuals who genuinely live to help others, devoid of ego or secondary motives. He gives me people who have their own quirks and imperfections to help me deal with my own. Slowly, this knowledge filters through my thick skull and my disgust towards certain individuals dissipates.

Then I feel compelled to listen to His voice and to be at peace. Romans 12:21 says “do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Thank You for reminding me that You are always there, for there is still so much goodness and light that flow from You. Help me forgive those who sin against me, and to learn how to rise above petty untruths and malicious rumours. Thank you for opening my eyes and renewing my faith in others.