This is My House

My aunt hung herself yesterday. The wake has already been held, and no one told me anything until after it was over (side effects of being 100000 miles away).

I apologise for the somber note, but I say this because I need to pay tribute to her in my own way, and to spread the word out that depression kills. It steals the will to live, to persevere, and to continue to fight the walls closing in.

I guess the signs were already there, with her being hospitalized earlier this year. She just simply gave up 1 day ago and told herself that there was nothing worth living for. Not her crap marriage, not her kids, not her many siblings, not her friends, not her dreams in life. She was told to retire from the company, and I guess it made her feel worthless, and unwanted.

I shall always remember her as the aunt who supported and advised me in my legal studies, she being a lawyer herself. The aunt who hugged me a lot, who always brought me to my favourite eating places in Ipoh and admired my stuff. She always made me feel welcome in her massive home with the pine trees. The cool aunt who’d have a smoke and debate about constitutional law whilst knocking back a couple of beers with me. ( I remember her favourite drink: whiskey on the rocks.) And she loved playing tennis and scuba diving before a knee injury stopped that.

Who really knows what goes on in another person’s mind? But I guess if someone you know is showing signs of depression don’t shut them out. Don’t treat them like they’ve got leprosy or some kind of transmittable disease. There is a huge stigma against people suffering from mental illnesses and pretending like it doesn’t exist won’t help. I now know firsthand how terrible the consequences can be.

Aunty CC.. I’m sorry that I didn’t know you suffered so. Wherever you are, I hope you’re at peace now. I’ll miss our chats tremendously.. take care.